I hate taking things slow I want to absorb into someone else The longer we stay platonic The more I want to run away I can’t stand intimacy I prefer things intense The way things have always been Being alone with myself makes me uncomfortable I’m still looking for people to fill my time To…
Tag: trauma recovery
I needed a man
I needed a man to tell me I was smart before it ever occured to me I needed a man to tell me I was attractive before I saw my reflection for the first time I needed a man to give me grace before I started forgiving myself I resent how much power I gave…
Aimlessly Living
Sometimes I feel like I am living aimlessly But when I take a step back I realize that I am just living These standards I hold don’t suit me anymore Since my mom died, I’ve been destroying these walls of the box I put myself into The box where I would sometimes make her happy…
Hallucinogenics – Matt Maeson
Matt Maeson often writes about his struggles in addiction and in leaving the church. His songs have helped me give words to feelings that I have in my addictions. “i don’t remember your face, or your hair, or your name, or your smile” – Often our addictions can become the most important things in our…
Gratitude Journal – June 4th
[My family’s dog kept me company this week] What are you grateful for this week? 🙂
Friendships Past
Growing older is weird Memories of friendships past come to my mind when my head hits my pillow People whose smiles filled my days that I’ll never talk to again I know that we both cross each others minds but neither of us reach out Our days change and are filled with new faces I…
how to make people love me
I get stuck on how to make people love me I’ve neglected focus on how I can love I lost my self worth somewhere along the way I think when my dad left I would always ask myself why I wasn’t good enough How I could be better so that he would want to be…
Praying to the Stars
I studied the stars in hopes to feel more connected to something I aim to possess the knowledge of the skies To escape how alone I feel here Maybe if there were something more than us, things would make more sense The ways in which I live keeps me isolated unable to trust the people…
Conditional Love
Growing up, love always felt conditional Love could always be taken away Like I was balancing on a beam that could collapse at any second I learned that to be loved by others I needed to not be myself I needed to be whatever made them happy What ever made them stay and take care…
I WOULD LEAVE ME IF I COULD by Halsey – Book
I listened to a book of poetry by Halsey this week and I really enjoyed it. It’s a fairly short listen that gave me a deeper look into Halsey’s mind and artistic expression. There were some poems from the book that were pieces or even whole songs from her discography and others that were never…
My Existential Diary 