Halsey talks about this song containing 3 different voices.

The firsts voice is displayed in the verses. This voice is her fears.

“You wished upon a falling star

And left behind the avant-garde

Poured lemonade in crystal glasses

Picket fences, file taxes

Who the hell is in your bed

You better kiss goodnight and give some head

And then next morning comes instead

Well is the life that lies ahead now?“

I have had the same thoughts cross my mind many times before. I got married very young and I am currently separated with the intention of divorce. It was difficult for me to think about the rest of my life stuck in suburbia doing the same performative things. To be settled down but not wanting to feel stuck. I didn’t really know myself before I got married and my partner didn’t know himself either. It felt like we were both just going through the motions and not connecting. I felt like I should be happy but never truly got to the connection that I was hoping for.

The second voice is displayed in the chorus. This voice is her inner critic and bully.

“Go on and be a big girl

You asked for this”

It has been difficult getting separated, because my ex and I have been living together for the last year due to me having a hard time finding a job post graduation. I am much more emotional and reflective while my ex isn’t. I find myself grieving our relationship since we are still very close while he is unaffected because I am still around and it feels like things are the same to him. This is where my inner critic comes in and I tell myself that “I asked for this”, that this is what I wanted. It’s just difficult to not wonder if we should try and make it work even though I know that I wasn’t happy in our relationship. There is an inner conflict inside of me that is grieving and also telling myself to toughen up because this is the consequence of the choice I made.

The third voice is displayed in the bridge. This voice is her wild and unreserved side.

“I want my cake on a silver platter

I want a fistful in my hand

I want a beautiful boy’s despondent laughter

I want to ruin all my plans

I want a fist around my throat

I want to cry so hard I choke

I want everything I ask for“

This is the climax of the song which displays Halsey’s untamed side that wants everything she asks for. I have the same feelings, where I want to be in a secure relationship, but I also don’t want to feel contained in anyway. This is my favorite part of the song, because she describes the chaos that is inside of my mind when it comes to thinking about relationships. There is something weirdly refreshing about crying until you choke even though it doesn’t sound like the most pleasant thing. “I want everything I ask for” displays my headstrong nature of wanting my life to go exactly as I want it to, although I know that is unreasonable.