I only recently discovered Alice Phoebe Lou but omg I am so glad that I did. This South African born, Berlin based singer-songwriter is all about women empowerment and I am here for it. She is a rock and roll free soul who sings about her witchy ways, dealing with men who idealize her, and her journey to feeling liberated.
“i’m not going to heal you, i’m not going to make your dreams come true” – I’ve found that people who I’ve dated look at me and see me as a strong woman who has everything together no matter how much I communicate that I have a lot of issues of my own. In the words of Clementine from the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind “I’m just a fucked up girl looking for my own piece of mind, don’t assign me yours.” It sucks to be put on a pedestal by those around me because I know that I can’t balance there for long. I push people away and get cold feet when they think that I can help them find themselves. It’s exhausting living up to this idealized version that people see of me when we first get together.
“my body fell asleep, when they took it away from me, but I got it back. now I do what I like with it.” – As someone who is a CSA survivor (see link below to learn more), this line resonates with me so much. I was hyper-sexualized from a young age and I always felt so shameful of my body and sexuality. It wasn’t until very recently that I have felt the liberation that Alice describes in this line; now that I have my body back, I never want to give it up again. C-PTSD can freeze your body and cause you to disassociate with yourself, leaving you feeling like an empty shell. I struggled with this for so many years and I’ve done EMDR and cognitive behavioral therapy for over 5 years trying to feel like I am in control of my body again. These therapies in combination with breath work in Pilates and (trying to be) more discerning with who I choose to have sex with has helped me work past some of the shame that comes along with living with C-PTSD.
Learn more about CSA here: https://www.rainn.org/articles/child-sexual-abuse